🧘‍♀️💅 Being real vs. being ideal: authenticity, presence and acceptance

I recently stumbled on a reflective piece about authenticity, something I wrote a while ago, inspired by my friend and colleague Willemieke and her beautiful thesis on authentic movement. Reading it again… it hit. Still relevant. Still raw. Still right in the middle of what I’m (still) trying to live and teach.

So I thought: let me reflect on it again. And as always, simplifying it for you helps me embody it more deeply myself. (You know that quote I once shared: “If you want to master something, teach it”? Yep. That.)

Sooo… authenticity.

We all say we want to be “authentic,”…but what we often mean is: “Instagrammably real with just a dash of mystery and glowy skin.” 🤳

So let’s talk about what authenticity really means, not in a diluted buzzword kind of way, but in the actually embodied way.

Especially when you’re a teacher, a human, and someone who occasionally doubts whether any of this is working 🙃

1. Being real vs. being ideal 💅

Authenticity isn’t something you perform.

It’s not a persona you created, or the ideal self you’re trying to become.

And it’s definitely not about becoming more enlightened or further down some spiritual checklist.

In a nutshell: Authenticity is not identity, whether it’s the identity you currently live in, or the one you dream of becoming.

🪞 Identity is the mirror.

👁️ Authenticity is the one who’s looking.

Or…

🖼️ Identity is a collection of facts and narratives.

🗻 Authenticity is the presence of the one living through them.

Which means…

You already ARE authentic.

There’s nothing you need to do or achieve in order to “become” it.

Think of it like this:

“I have 4 cats” → identity

“I am a yoga teacher” → identity

“My highest value is love & butterflies”→ identity

…but before the cats, before the teacher, before the values, dreams, traumas, love stories, bios and CVs…

There’s me. Present. Feeling. Existing.

Alive. Sensate. Breathing.

And already, beautifully… authentic.

So we don’t need to become authentic.

We need to feel it.

2. Presence is the real flex 🧘🏽‍♂️ Authenticity isn’t something you create, it’s something you discover is already there.

And to discover it, we have to cultivate presence.

Because presence is the only place authenticity lives:

in the here, and in the now.

Not in who we’ve been.

Not in who we think we should become.

Not in that “Who I Am” PDF from 2019 (#me)

Or the “what I want to achieve before 30” list from 2015 (also me 😅)

Just here.

In the weird, vibrant, unpredictable now.

That’s why intentional and explorative movement (in all its forms) matters so much.

Because it brings us back to what’s real and what can be felt in the present moment,

not the choreography of perfection,

but the felt truth of our breath, bones, impulses…

3. Your presence is your offering 🎤

And when you’re present…

your expressions (movements, actions, words...)

becomes your authentic gift to the world.

Or, as Martha Graham put it:

“There is only one of you in all of time… and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.”

(Oof. No pressure, right? 😅)

But really: that’s the heart of it:

Authenticity isn’t something to chase, fix, or level up. It’s simply you, being fully present, in motion, in action, in this exact moment.

But here’s the thing:

If we hide behind narratives, branding, or all the should / would / could voices in our heads…

Our authentic self doesn’t get to come through.

And the world doesn’t get to feel it. It’s lost.

When we try too hard to become something we're not (chasing the "ideal self" at all costs),

we actually deprive the world of the authentic expression that’s already here & beautiful: You.

On the flip side, when we accept ourselves as we are, without the polish, without the performance, we offer the world something far more precious:

our honest, present, authentic self.

So yes: there’s an acceptance we need to cultivate to really be here.

To let presence be enough.

To let you be enough.

4. Let acceptance co-create with growth 🌳

Now maybe you’re thinking:

“But if I’m already enough… why would I grow, heal, or even try?”

I get it. That’s a valid question.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Acceptance doesn’t cancel growth.

It just changes the reason you grow.

You’re not evolving because you’re broken.

You’re evolving because something in you is curious, alive, and reaching for more depth.

Not better, just truer.

I still love learning, refining, and expanding.

But not because I should.

Because I want to.

Because my present-moment self senses something more, and it feels aligned to explore it.

And tomorrow?

Maybe I’ll want to pause. Nap. Be still.

And that’s okay too.

That is the dance:

Not striving from lack, but choosing from presence.

Authentic growth isn’t about fixing.

It’s about listening.

Let’s get real.

Let’s get weird.

Let’s get present.

With you,

Fanny