⛓️‍💥🤝 A Story About Detachment, Self-Worth… and Cat Puke

I’ve been mulling over this idea of detachment lately. Not the “I’m going to live off the grid and never make plans” kind (though, honestly, sometimes that sounds tempting 😅). No, I mean the vairāgya kind. The yoga version. The one Patanjali talks about in the Yoga Sutras: non-attachment. Letting go of our need to control, to cling to outcomes.

Sounds peaceful, right? 🕊️ But also… it’s tricky. 🤔

1. Detachment or just avoidance?

Lately, it feels like detachment has become a bit of a trend. Everyone’s talking about it:

👉 “Don’t tie yourself down.”

👉 “Live with no attachments.”

👉 No kids, no house, travel the world, work from anywhere. Digital nomads ruling the Instagram game.

It’s like that version of detachment is the new definition of freedom. And I’ll be honest, sometimes I do crave that too, just leave it all behind and scream “FREEDOM!” while running naked through the jungle like a happy hippie worm 🐛☮️.

But here’s what I notice:

➡ When life feels hard, I want to detach.

➡ When things are good, I actually want to attach.

The equation gets fuzzy...

Sooo... depending on the moment, both can feel true:

✅ Detachment = Freedom

✅ Attachment = Freedom

So maybe the words themselves, detachment and attachment, deserve a closer look.

2. The nuance: Non-attachment, not detachment

Let’s go back to vairāgya. It’s often translated as detachment, but I prefer non-attachment. Why?

👉 Detachment feels like an action. Like we have to cut the ties, to "detach".

👉 Non-attachment is softer. It’s not about cutting ties. It’s about not adding extra strings in the first place.

Examples:

You can love someone deeply without tying your identity to that relationship:

💬 “I am the wife of this gorgeous man and without him I’m nothing”: nope

(Yes, he’s gorgeous. But I’m a strong, independent little woman, I don’t need anyone… except for, you know, coffee in bed, emotional support, occasional dutch admin help, bike repairs, back massages, and someone to remind me that maybe, just maybe, working multiple jobs at once isn’t “self-care.” But apart from that? Fully independent. 🦾🙈)

You can aim for big goals without linking your worth to them:

💬 “If I fail at building my business, I’m a failure as a person”: nope

That shift changed everything for me. I don’t have to give up what I love. I just need to stay aware of how I hold it. I can care for the ties that are already here, fulfill my duties & follow my dharma, without piling on extra meaning or letting my identity get tangled up in it.

3. The missing piece: Connection

Ok now, let’s make it more confusing (because you know I love that 😇)

Connection and attachment can feel so close.

Yoga = connection, right? We connect puzzle pieces together. Isn’t that like attachment?

But then yoga teaches detachment?! Can we connect without attach?

Head exploding yet? 😂

The truth: we will always attach/connect. We’ll love, care, want, hope. Even if I became a digital nomad, I’d end up attached, to my version of freedom.

So it’s not about running away from those attachments or connections. It’s about how we hold them. Not gripping tight 🤝, but palm to palm🫸🫷, warm, supportive, until that other palm lets go. Be it a friend, a job, or life itself (and yeah, that can be hard).

👉 Non-attachment is faith in the connections that are meant to be, and in the ones that are meant to shift.

Faith that what’s here now is enough. Faith in the flow of life, even as it changes. You connect fully in the present moment, aware, open, and trust that what needs to stay will stay, and what needs to move on will move.

4. But... what about building things for the future?

Here’s the next tricky bit:

If I only attach to the present moment, how do I build anything for the future?

Bhagavad Gita says: act according to your dharma, but don’t cling to the outcome.

Sounds simple. Until, say… you need more students/trainees, or income. 😅

🤨 Can I plan smartly, act with care about the goal, aim for what I want and still not cling to the outcome?

🤨 Can I honor and learn from the past, plan for and look to the future, but stay here now, moment after moment?

Yes. But it takes practice. And yoga is that practice.

Meditate, move, study, serve, love, walk the paths, jnana, karma, raja, bhakti, or journal, ramble, share… like I’m doing here, connecting dots as I go. This is practice too.

But let me give you what could be your first step:

5. Something easier to chew on: let go of the need for control

Detachment in yoga can simply be about releasing the need for control.

Think: namaha: the act of letting go.

💫 Flight cancelled? Namaha.

💫 Your cat puked on your white carpet? Namaha.

💫 You did your best but still got crappy feedback? Namaha. (ouch, this one stings)

Will you still look for another flight? Yes.

Will you try to clean the carpet? Yes (Spoiler alert: that stain is now part of the design. Welcome to life.)

Will you reflect and try to improve? Yes.

But will you blame the pilot, the cat, or yourself and spiral into endless “what I could’ve done differently” scenarios? No need. Really. No need.

With namaha, you don’t give up but you stop forcing. You flow with what is, do your best, but drop the need for perfection.

6. A last, slightly revolutionary thought 🚨

Attachment and detachment aren’t black and white.

Think of grief. We only grieve what is worthy of love. Those attachments give life depth.

So should we detach so much we stop loving deeply?

Maybe the real detachment is this:

👉 Let go of the desire for things to last.

👉 Let go of the need to stop suffering.

Feeling the sting of loss is what makes us human.

Sure, many yoga traditions say we should stop wanting to stop suffering, quiet the mind to reach enlightenment. But part of me wonders: if I deleted desire, would I delete what makes life human?

This take might sound a little revolutionary (what can I say, I’m French, it’s in the blood 😅... Have I used this joke before? Probably. But what’s more French than confidently repeating yourself?)... but I want to feel, taste, create, love, lose, grow, and let it all shift and change, only without tying extra strings.

It is a more tantric take: seeing the divine in everything, the joy, the sorrow, the pain, the pleasures, etc... Through this very human experience, we connect to the whole (call it universe, divine, Brahman, whatever works for you). To me, this feels more in harmony with our human nature: working with it, not against it.

"So Fanny, where do you stand actually? 🤔"

In-between. In the space where all thoughts have valid points. In the place where it’s so context-dependent that I won’t box myself into one view. All perspectives can serve.

But here’s the nutshell that helps me most:

💫 Non-attachment = not adding unnecessary strings to the connections that already exist.

💫 Detachment isn’t about avoiding or cutting off. It’s about understanding how we attach and to what: to identity, control, ego…

💫 It’s about living, loving, creating, without needing it all to stay the same forever.

What do you think?

Have you ever struggled with detachment or attachment? How do you balance freedom and connection? Let’s chat, I’d love to hear your thoughts! 👇

With love (and maybe a little attachment to the community I am trying to build: you, lovely people),

Fanny 💕

P.S.

If exploring these kinds of questions makes your brain light up 🔥, this is exactly the kind of space we hold inside the 200-hour Modern Vinyasa Teacher Training starting this October at Tribes Academy, which I co-lead with Willemieke Verweij.

In one part of the training, we dive into the main yoga philosophies and concepts that have shaped yoga as we know it today, including those that still deeply inform practice, and those that feel a little… far from the yoga we actually do.

This part of the course is not about memorizing doctrines, but about open conversations, nuance, and perspective-sharing. It’s a supportive space where you’re encouraged to question, reflect, and ultimately redefine what yoga means for you, on and off the mat.

Because yoga isn’t just something we do; it’s something we live. 💛